These Seas Be Stormy - Commodore Alexi Laiho

My fellow captains, either we are experiencing high rolling seas tonight or I have had too much whisky again. Could be either.

Sincy my last log entry I have continued my battles with the Cantabrigian hordes and succeeded at last in subduing the lesser demons. Tomorrow we expect to sight their leader; it will prove to be an epic battle. Assuming the Bodom comes out unscathed we will then continue our journeys to rendezvous with Captain Stene with a brief call in the port of Lindum Colonia in order to disembark luggage. The crew have been behaving unusually well lately, particularly Cabin Boy Janne, and have been rewarded in light of the forthcoming Yule festivities with lost of meat, casks of mead and silly hats. Janne looks particularly fetching. Hmm.

Thankfully Hyde has not been troubling me, probably because my contact with Captain Gackt is now necessarily limited by the distance between our ships; I believe that Gackt also has him preparing for their return to Asian shores soon, when we Scandinavians find it too hot. But Gackt says that a Finnish winter is too much for his delicate sensibilities. And this from the man who owns crotch-splitters and claims to be over four hundred years old.

Little else to report; I and all the crew are looking forward to commencing the Yule parties with Captain Stene and her crew. I just hope Miyavi behaves himself...

Commodore Alexi Laiho

Lost at sea.

I will now divulge to you, my unfortunate readers, how we did not make it to Finland.

Wednesday morning; We made haste to the finnish lands, only to be hindered in our endeavours, by a vicious storm. A terrible storm, which made our ears bleed, it was so cold. But the ship held true, and we were okay, in a way. All of our sat nav, and communications devices were whipped out. However, I had faith in my navigator Dero. This man should not be left in charge of cheese!

But, Deros response to the situation, was to jump up and down on the same spot, flapping his arms like a madman, singing " Links, Rechts, Geraderaus, du kommst hier nichts heraus" ( left, right, straight on, you are leaving here) Causing a slight panic with the crew...

Miyavi went running around screaming about how he didn't want to die. He had so much more to give, and something about never getting to hold his Teddy again...


Mental Note, when we arrive in Finland, demote Dero to cabin boy.. promote cabin boy to navigator. Who is our cabin boy, do we have one.. We do! Why haven't I seen him? Or do I really not want an answer to this.. nevermind. Insert grumbles about being the only woman on board.


When lost at see what does one do?

DRINK. Tequlia party!


Saturday: Still lost, and recovering from party, I myself am fine. The others are less then shipshape.

We have no idea which direction to go, and I refuse to take Miyavi's advice of following the orange sunset... Apparantly, that is what Cptain Gackt would do, and for the upteenth time, I had to tell him, I am not Gackt. Talk about fan boy!! I pulled out my compass today, and told the men, Finland was in the north so we should just head north. Dero somehow disagrees. Mental note demote Dero to cabin cat, promote my kitten to cabin boy.. wait, no that would be regretable. Still haven't got around to actually meeting the cabin boy.

Sunday: We went due north... But to be hit again by at first what appeared to be a storm, when In fact was another vessel. From the ship, we could hear a horrible voice oozing over the sea! It reeked of Egotisim..


The winds picked up, and shook my boat. The waves were growing with such veroicty that, they could have torn the ship appart. The winterstorm was attacking. Quatermaster Tobias seemed to think shouting out that he about his cars and helicopter and NOTHING, would somehow help the situation...

"Tobi. Tobi!"
"HUH"
"Es gut jetzt"
"Gut"

When in this situation, there is nothing else for it.. Get the cannons.

A battle took place on the high seas, we fought for many hours but eventually were triumphant!

Monday: As luck would have it, we arrive safe and sound in Finland!


Captain V.Stene

Captain Stene returns.

After my departure from the Tristania vessel, I spent my time on land, in the small and secret town of Force majeure, the home of the pirate wench Doro. It was there, I was given time to reflect on my departure from my crew, and ultimatly I decided that it was the right thing to do. The bastards didn't appreciate all the things I did for them! I hear they have an carbon copy of Christina Scabbia leading them. Oh joys.



After much time onland, I have decided my efforts are better comanding a ship, then serving jäger to the whordes who inhabit Force Majeure. I was granted permission to a ship, and a crew by the true queen of Piracy Doro, under the instruction that I was to show no mercy to anyone who sails under a Tarja flag!



With my new crew, I left the German coast, just before the north winds brought snow. I set sail towards Finland, to pick a few left behind, and some bounty. And of course an old friend ,Satyr. My first mate is a colourful fellow to say the least. His name is Miyavi, and he keeps telling me over and over again, this vital piece of information. I told him to shut up and go play outside.. this resulted in a Miyavi overboard.. now he is sick with a cold and is wrapped up warm in his bed. Well, at least he is quiet.



As the ship is not a dictator ship, ( i hope u liked the joke.) I have allowed a quatermaster to be elected. His name is Tobias and so far has distracted me with his most awesome of awesome coats! I suspect he used this tactics on the men, but he poses no threat for mutiny, so I will not worry. Also, my cook has shaved off half of his hair before boarding. I took one look at him and burst into tears of laughter, but his boyfriend, 'Die' has explained they are on the run from the Japanese yakuza, so have adopted a disguise. Apparantly Toshi called the small strawberry lolita hating leader of the yakuza 'cute'.

That is all for now. We make haste to Finland!

Captain. V. Stene!

Once Again Upon the High Seas - Commodore Alexi Laiho

My fellow Captains (etc.), I decided that life was boring without the regular sharing of our nautical adventures, and so I've set up a new and hopefully universal Captains' Log to solve the problem.

The good ship Bodom rendezvous'd with Captain Gackt and his crew over the last couple of days. It was a good time, although I still have problems with Hyde; he suspended increasing numbers of fish outside my porthole every day, which caused some issues for Cabin Boy Janne, because he really likes fish and kept trying to jump up and catch them. A good deal of spirits were consumed, a recipe we got from America but we suspect may have originated somewhere in Ireland or Scotland, and a good time was had by all, although of course there was some emotional overwroughtness; a reliving of the past travails of life upon the waves, some old comrades I miss from my days in Finland, things like that. Attempting to subdue the tribes of the Cantabrigians who are rising regularly from the sea in front of the Bodom in alarming strength is taking up a good deal of my time otherwise, and I have to attend to that business presently...

Commodore Alexi Laiho